What do you get when you cross Jenny Craig with Betty Ford?

Well it could be Jenny Ford but the correct answer would be Detox/ Fat Camp in Laos. It began with our mini bus dropping us off in a tiny town and our fellow passengers who had previously been silent, asking why we were getting of at such an obscure place. The only accommodation was very basic thatched hut style with a nice view over the river and a bucket of cold water for shower and flushing the squat toilet. The next day fat camp began. Ok, it was actually a challenging three day trek through the jungle staying in villages and eating sticky rice for every meal. But it certainly detoxed our livers and caused us to shed a few pounds. The jungle trail went up and down hills, through rivers and ended up so muddy that our sandals would not stay on. At one point the mud was so sticky and slippery, Jen opted to take off her shoes and tread barefoot down the muddy slopes. To make matters even more challenging the trail was covered with hundreds of hungry leeches, within the first half hour we each had a small family of them living on our feet. Fortunately we brought along the “big-guns” (80% DEET) which surprisingly didn’t melt our sandals but did remove Jen’s toenail polish and effectively repel the blood-thirsty wrigglers. Our evenings were spent in the villages of the Akha people. In the first village the children were especially curious watching us apprehensively at first and then quickly warming up as we taught them hopscotch and tic-tac-toe. We were very happy to see dinner; very fresh (as in bought from the villagers and killed before our very own eyes) chicken and more sticky rice. The torrential rains that lasted through the night made for some tough hiking the following day but it all paid off with an invitation to a village feast held to celebrate the eviction of some spirits from the village. Again, the children were very curious and gathered around the community showering spot (a bamboo aqueduct of sorts) staring wide-eyed at Jen as she showered in the requisite modest bathing attire of a shoulder to calf sarong.
The feast consisted of a large room full of men sitting in circles on the floor around bamboo dining tables. The menu: raw blood and other unidentifiable bloody bits, raw pork larb (a Laos specialty), cooked pork served in stages from skin to stomach and everything in between, chilli sauce, soup, and of course the ubiquitous sticky rice. Out with the bad spirits, in with the good spirits; the beverage of choice was the locally brewed rice whisky Akha Laos, taken in shots all around the table for the duration of the meal (and some time after). So much for detox.
We had brought some Laos books for the children of the village that ended up being an overwhelming hit even with the adults. They gathered in small groups and listened, captivated as the literate villagers read them aloud. Fortunately they ended up in the hands of the village teacher who was quickly swarmed with children for an impromptu story when he left the feast. If you want to know more about the very well-thought-out organization that publishes these books click here: http://www.bigbrothermouse.com/
We learned a lot about the villagers from our fantastic guide. He explained how the daughters of the family move into the small rice storage huts when they hit puberty, here they can invite male suitors in and entertain them until they are eventually married or pregnant at ripe old age of 14 or so. Our bungalow was near the rice huts and we saw some young teenagers flirting outside as night fell. He also warned us not to go near or take a photo of the “Spirit Gate” through which spirits are ushered out of the village, usually coaxed by the sacrifice of a chicken. Nobody seemed to be too concerned when a herd of cattle when stampeding through it.
After forty kilometres through the mountains, sixty-odd leeches, and a whole lot of mud, rain and sticky rice and we were ready for a nice hot shower.